Dad Harrassed by Police for Babywearing in Australia

It has been an interesting week for my family. Looking back I'm dumbfounded by how one little moment can change everything. If my 12 month old daughter had fallen asleep at home on Sunday afternoon, as I had been encouraging her to do for quite some time, our week would have been normal. Instead she fell asleep in her Olives and Applesauce soft structured baby carrier, on her Dad's back, as he walked around the block. What followed was an anonymous display of babywearing ignorance, police harassment, media attention, public debate about risks and safety of baby carriers, and most upsetting: criticsm and judgement of our parenting and our handling of harassment.

I recorded the incident of harassment that took place on Sunday afternoon in a Facebook photo album which contained photos of Andrew wearing Eleanor in the carrier:

"Beach street, Frankston. 2 police cars stopped, 3 police got out and interrogated this Dad for wearing this 12 month old baby in this Olives and Applesauce soft structured baby carrier while she slept (with the hood on). They had received a call from someone saying a man was suffocating his baby while walking down the street.

After 1 officer stuck her head into the sling to see the baby, noted that they baby was fine and said so, they lectured this man about parenting, informing him that it was too hot to wear the baby (under 30 degrees with a cool breeze in a suburb by the sea), that it was unsafe to have her on his back, apparently having her on the front would "give her more room to breathe". They told him that his baby was at risk of dying of SIDS and requested he remove the sling and carry the baby home, which he refused to do because it would wake the child. 1 officer reached their hand into the sling and removed a small toy the child was holding in her sleep and stated "now there will be better airflow so she won't get so hot". 1 police officer loosened the hood which was supporting the sleeping baby's head.

After all this 1 officer asked why the was getting frustrated. The Dad was told to use a pram from now on.

We are very disappointed at this harassment from three individuals who clearly have no information about babywearing. We understand the need for police to investigate reports of child endangerment, however, there was no need for the intrusive behaviour that followed after the police ascertained that our baby was fine.

We have organised a public babywearing info session to spread the word about safe babywearing to try to improve understanding in the community. See here: https://www.facebook.com/events/345328852152960/
The focus of this event is promotion of the joy and safety of babywearing. It's a lack of general knowledge about babywearing that needs to be addressed on a wide scale.

There is a need for education. We urge babywearers elsewhere to organise sling meets to show the public what a range there is and how to wear safely. This is what will make change.

Remember our goal is to improve babywearing knowledge/awareness in the hope that no other parent will go through what Andrew did on Sunday :) and trust that Andrew (who is a Justice Officer with honours in criminology) will resolve any misunderstandings between himself and the three officers involved appropriately, through formal channels the police and vic gov have available to the public."

The album has been shared on Facebook over 230 times. First thing Monday morning, Andrew lodged a formal complaint with the Ethical Standards Department of the Victoria Police. It is currently being considered, but the person Andrew spoke with said that she did not think there was any misconduct involved. This surprised us, because we could imagine a lot of outrage if the same had been done to a parent with a pram. An officer simply would not reach into a pram and take a toy from a sleeping baby or adjust the straps providing support to that sleeping child! Nor would they lecture a parent about which style of pram to use.

6pm dinner on the beach*

The conveyner of Melbourne Babywearers heard the story and was shocked that babywearing had recieved such negative attention from a member of the public and the police officers. She published this post on her blog: "Babywearing Father Pulled Over". A local citizen who wore her three children in carriers during the 1980s also blogged about the incident in (an hilariously titled post): "Caution! Orlando Bloom had better stay out of Frankston". The next day Yvette published a follow up post inspired by comments her first post recieved: ""Fall out" from the Frankston baby sling incident" The Australian media got wind of the story and Tuesday morning a Melbourne radio station rang Andrew to hear what he had to say.

I was apprehensive about Andrew talking to the media, some members of a Facebook Babywearing sell and swap page were very opposed to any media attention, worried babywearing would come off badly. Andrew was well aware of the risks, he and I discussed it, but he just kept coming back to "what if three police officers had pulled over your sister, or your best friend and tampered with their carriers and touched their children? Do you think your sister would feel comfortable babywearing in public ever again? How upset would you best friend's kids be after something like that?" He was right. No one should have to suffer the harrassment he did, but despite that I'm glad that it was him, because he was patient enough to endure it and he is kind enough to want to do something to ensure it doesn't happen to anyone else. If it had happened to me I would have had an anxiety attack. So Andrew spoke to 3AW and his interview went quite well. You can listen to it on this page, at the bottom of the written summary: Cops lecture dad over baby sling.

On his lunch break that same day, Andrew spent his time speaking to Channel 9 news about babywearing. I was there, ever-ready to feed the baby. The interview went well, Andrew spoke about why he loves babywearing, how we've been doing it for almost four years, how it is safe, how he understood the police needed to investigate a possible smothering and he's glad they did, but how what followed after the first minute, when they ascertained Eleanor was fine, was unnecessary and he hopes speaking about it publicly will ensure no other babywearers are harassed in the future. The camera man had Andrew wander around with Eleanor on his back and filmed him for a while. Meanwhile the reporter and I stood by and had a chat. I mentioned to her that most of all it surprised me that the member of the public who rang the police felt that was the first thing he or she should do, rather than approaching Andrew, who is always happy to talk about babywearing and his children. The reporter asked if I would say that on camera because it was a good point, so I did. Then it was time for Andrew to get back to work and me to take Eleanor and pick our big girl up from her friend's place where she was having a play.

Unfortunately our story got bumped from the news because more pressing news had happened throughout the day. We were disappointed, but understood (a friend has since shared her view that we would have been articulate and levelheaded and had a great interview that would not stir up enough controversy to make it worth airing).

Melbourne's tabloid newspaper The Herald Sun rang Andrew on Tuesday and asked him for a quote. They already had their story. This tabloid is known for pot stirring, but he decided it was better he say something positive about babywearing rather than the story go to print with "Mr Langford refused to comment". While Andrew made many comments about the safety, comfort, convenience etc of babywearing only one made it into the article, his oft' said: babywearing is great because it's like a long hands-free cuddle.

As it was, Andrew was the only source on babywearing used in the story. Melbourne Babywearers weren't contacted. Babywearing International wasn't contacted. Olives and Applesauce weren't contacted. Instead, a group called Kidsafe** were contacted and the reporter spoke with a man who obviously has very little knowledge about babywearing who made a factually incorrect statement. You can read this piece here: Dad cops arrows over baby-back sling. The paper sent a photographer to us after Andrew returned from work Tuesday night and he took some photos of Andrew and Eleanor using the carrier. The photographer and I chatted about how he remembers his child falling asleep in her bikeseat while he rode them around. The photo that was used is great (please see at link), especially considering Eleanor is in the thick of a teething battle and it was her nap time (for anyone wondering, she is looking directly at me with her "why aren't you wearing me?" facial expression, at 12 months old Daddy is a bit of a second class parent ;) lol).

When the story broke online overnight/Wednesday morning we were disappointed with the focus, which was on stirring up debate about the safety of babywearing. The journalist had omitted the details of the harassment and pretty much everything Andrew said. However, there were many supportive comments beneath the article (particularly on the news.com.au site).

Babywearing Dads

Lunchtime Wednesday we had a public babywearing gathering in Frankston to raise awareness, talk to locals and to have a positive presence in a busy area of the suburb. We felt this was necessary after the police harassment, however it wasn't a mere reaction to the police officers' conduct. Andrew and I have long suffered harassment and abuse for our babywearing, care of ignorant members of our local community. The most memorable of which are:

• a woman who yelled out her window as she drove past me: "You're an %*#@ing disgrace for having your child in that thing!", 
• two women snidely remarking to one another as they passed me that my baby was probably dead, as she slept on my back, 
• a man followed Andrew around a shopping centre asking him if our baby could breathe and not leaving him alone until Nell moved, so he was sure our baby was alive. 
• Regularly passersby tell us they're worried about our baby's breathing, whether her neck is supported, if her arms and legs are comfortable.

While many of the people commenting on our babywearing are well-meaning, we do tire of the intrusion and assumptions that we don't know what we're doing and can't act in the best interests of our children. The police officer on Sunday was not the first person to touch Eleanor in her sling without our consent, or attempt to adjust a carrier in use (though the police officer was the first person who succeeded in adjusting the sling, members of the general public are met with "excuse me, what do you think you're doing? Please do not touch us"). Andrew did not feel he could say this on Sunday.
Having said that, we have also received positive comments and introduced many people to babywearing. We are often told by mothers whose children are grown "I wish they had those things when my kids were young", which is rather sad because babywearing is an ancient art in parenting. The most memorable positive comment I received came when I overheard a mother and her grown daughter talking about my sling and when I turned to introduce myself and tell her where she could find out more about babywearing she informed me that I had talked to her over a year ago and it was thanks to me that she has her very own mei tai she uses daily.

Between ten and fifteen babywearing parents joined us for our public meet. It was wonderful to meet some other babywearing parents who live in the community, we spoke to passersby about safe babywearing, we tried out one another's carriers and learned from each other. The kids had a wonderful time playing together. At the very start of the gathering a reporter and photographer from The Frankston Standard Leader spoke to us. She took quotes from myself, a woman wearing her five year old in a mei tai and from Andrew. The photographer took group shots of all the babywearers who were there right at the start, sadly they missed those who joined us later. You can see all the photos from the meet here.

While we were there a woman who was having lunch at a nearby cafe came over to give her support. She had been reading the Herald Sun article while eating and couldn't believe the grief given over our parenting. A young childfree woman spent her afternoon with us because she had been worn as a child. Comments we received from members of the public included: "good on you for being here", "I hope you receive an apology" and "how silly, these children are obviously being taken good care of".  We had no negative interactions while there. The following day while shopping, our sling was recognised from The Herald Sun, a woman said "give me a look at the little one in the papoose, oh she's so happy. You're doing a good job!"

Back and front carries with soft structured carriers, photo by Andrew Thompson

Babywearing 3 year old

Those of us babywearing at the start of the meet, photo by Bree Lamprell

Mummas on the short side wearing 4 and 5 year olds (that's how supportive carriers are of parental muscles!)

Talking to a member of the public photo by Andrew Thompson

Dancing photo by Melissa O'Dowd

I & L give a demonstration of how to do a back carry with a mei tai photo by Melissa O'Dowd

Continued demonstration, photo by Melissa O'Dowd

4 year old in a woven wrap, photo by Melissa O'Dowd

Mummas front carrying and back carrying 1 year olds

The meet left me feeling a little better about the situation. It was nice to be heard, supported, to be in the company of others who know it could have been them who were harassed on Sunday and who are thankful we didn't stay quiet and let it slide. But despite the supportive voices, it has been a stressful, unpleasant week. Adding to the stress of harassment and media attention there were some babywearers online who were vehemently opposed to Andrew speaking to the media. Like us they were concerned about babywearing looking bad in the press, but unlike us, some of them felt we should forget about the harassment and take baked goods to the local police.

After a series of rude, judgmental, disrespectful and arrogant comments from fellow babywearers in this particular facebook group I decided to leave. In addition to being accused of being attention seekers, putting ourselves before babywearing, we were also deemed responsible for what The Herald Sun had written, while the great things Andrew had managed to get in the paper and on the radio went unnoticed. I said good-bye to the group and there were some lovely replies, wishing our family well. This was the only thread the admin team felt needed to be shut down on their page, reaffirming I had made the right choice  to leave.

Feeling low, I was very grateful to receive some supportive messages, one comment in particular lifted my spirits immensely. This particular babywearing Mum said "a picture says a thousand words" and Andrew and Eleanor were in one of the most widely circulated Melbourne newspapers, happily, comfortably, safely using a baby carrier. It occurred to me that perhaps in years to come I might meet someone who discovered babywearing thanks to Andrew's efforts. A silver lining.

It is also worth noting that 24 hours after the Sun article broke there have been discussions about establishing an Austrlaian Babywearing body who can formally promote, advocate and educate groups about babywearing in this country. Also, one Australian mother has approached Babywearing International about forming a chapter of their organisation here at home. This fills me with hope. It would be fantastic in the future, IF this sort of harassment happens to someone else, that they will receive formal, public support from babywearers, an established group representing our interests, so that the individual is not left out in the cold in the mainstream media.

So, there you have it. A very long blog post, after a very long week. We are not sure when Andrew will hear back from the Ethical Standards Department, we are finished with the media (and for every piece you see or hear, there's another that's been politely declined by us attention seekers *sigh*), next week's Frankston Leader will hopefully include a report from our great babywearing gathering with a photo of some of us as well. I really hope that all that has happened this week will mean that in the not too distant future Andrew and I will be able to go about our daily parenting, free from harassment, that's all I want for us and all babywearers.

As you can see there is plenty of space between the hood of the sling and Andrew's back, allowing airflow, Nell is facing the other side in this picture, mouth and nose directly receiving fresh air. The hood is supporting her head as she sleeps, and when she is awake she holds her head up herself. Her knees are above her bottom, supporting optimal hip and spine development. She is secure. When she is on the back we can feel her breathing in and out against us, we can feel her moving, and coz she's adorable and we miss seeing her little face we regularly use our mirror with the retractable string that enables us to see her from either side while on our backs. Shop windows are also great for seeing her reflection. We loved wearing her on our fronts throughout her first year, but as she gets bigger it's getting hard to see over her head as we walk now, and her weight on the front can cause a strain on our hips and lower back, and this is why you will likely see her on our backs. If you do see us, feel free to stop and ask us about our carriers.

*In the picture of Eleanor and Andrew on the beach, Nell is holding a hula hoop, it was very cute, she would not give it up, loved death-gripping it. We had received criticism because Nell's not wearing a hat and we're on the beach. She's a baby, she hates hats, she tosses them constantly. This is why we apply Miessence sunblock. I mention the brand because it is organic and acts as a shield from sun, rather than a chemical defence, just in case anyone wishes to criticise us for using sunscreen as well.

**As far as Kidsafe go, I went to their website and found no information about baby carriers whatsoever, however I noted their Facebook page included a link to a pram recall story

Placenta Printing To Start The New Year

Happy new year, readers! It's been a long time between posts, I know! I've been very busy with non-birthy things, lately. In December our baby celebrated her 1st birthday! And New Years Day marked one year since her lotus birth. Long term followers might remember that on the one year anniversary of our eldest daughter's lotus birth we defrosted her placenta and finally got to creating some placenta prints. We decided to carry on the ritual with our younger daughter.

In addition to the paint, placenta and blood on canvas, this time I also stuck some of the left over bamboo yarn from my blessingway into the paint. I'm pleased with how it turned out. I could stand in front of it for hours, marveling at the colour combos and pattern.

To see our other placenta prints click here (also includes links to other tutorials and images online).

Happy New Year!

Love Birth. Will Travel.

In July I had the privilege of attending a birth, over 1800kms from home. I've known the Mumma for four years through the Joyous Birth network. Back then we were both pregnant (her with her second, me with my first) and planning our first homebirths. Last year we found ourselves pregnant again and when my bub was around 3 or 4 months, Kat asked me if I would take a doula holiday to be with her when her baby was born.

We had some trouble deciding when I should take flight to her, because babies aren't buses (and even those don't run on time!). In the end we decided I would come just before her irrelevant due date and stay for ten days (the time was, sadly, dictated by how much leave my partner could take from work to care for our eldest while I was at Kat's birth with our youngest). My family caught two buses, two trains and a plane to get to Kat's hometown. There we stayed in a cabin by the creek in Maroochy, squeezing holiday adventures in between birth preparation meets. It was a lot of fun.

Kat and I got a kick out of seeing our two children born around the same time playing together. We had long exchanged tales of parenting these two spirited blessings and she had told me her son was the boy version of my eldest. My girls also adored her daughter. I have many memories of my baby giggling her head off at Kat's children, particularly her son making fire engine noises (which he did long after he was bored with it because he felt it his duty to "make baby happy!").

A few days after I arrived we took some photos of Kat's impressive belly at 39 weeks gestation.

We talked about her pregnancy, her birth plans, her fears and contingency plans. We debriefed previous birth experiences and explored the very real possibility that this baby's birth would be a completely new experience. Her irrelevant due date came in the middle of the trip and Kat was very ready to farewell what had been a challenging pregnancy. 

One week after my family left our hometown, I met Kat's local doula. I felt much calmer about the likelihood that I would be back home before the baby was born once I met Pernille. Kat wouldn't be without a birthy sister if that's what she wanted when the time came. 

Friday I was anxious. My departure time was just around the corner, Kat was incredibly uncomfortable, but feeling that baby was settling in. I wanted Kat to feel comfortable again, I wanted to be present for the birth, but I also didn't want her feeling like a watched pot that never boils. I challenged myself to focus on what I could do and what I had done, even if I missed the birth. All that mattered was that Kat felt I had served her well, but would she feel that way if I left before the birth? Could I, should I change my flights? Could I find someone to watch my eldest while I was still in Queensland and my partner had to return to work? And what if I did all this and found myself facing the exact same issues at the end of next week? 

I resolved to accept that I was not meant to be at this birth and began writing about what a birth servant's role is and what it isn't. Kat's journey was forcing me to reassess what a birth servant is, with the (rather obvious) conclusion that watching babies come out of vaginas is an occasional perk, not the job description.

On Saturday my family went to the Eumundi Markets to meet up with some friends. It was a much needed adventure, I lost myself amongst stalls and in good company. In the afternoon Kat's husband and son joined us and we watched the kids play for a couple of hours before heading back. Kat asked our mutual friend, Nat, to stop by before heading home. 

I was exhausted and fell asleep on the bus ride back. My partner and I decided that he would take the kids to the supermarket to get supplies for dinner and I would return to the cabin and take a nap. I staggered from the bus stop to the bed and just as my head hit the pillow my phone buzzed. I knew what the message was about :D

Nat had dropped by at Kat's request to say hi and now she was working as a doula. This was not what she had thought the day had in store for her when she drove to Eumundi early in the morning. 

I let my partner know I had a birth to get to tonight and I'd need our baby. We worked out he'd be returning to the cabin on the same bus I wanted to catch to Kat's so we arranged a switcheroo. As I jumped on the bus and got a ticket, he handed me the baby and mei tai before stepping off.  A little after 6pm I was whizzing up labourade. By 9:30pm 11.5 pounds of baby girl had been born.

For my last day there I spent a few hours at Kat's house. As I arrived Kat's husband came out to greet me with a thank-you and a hug for my part in the night before's fun. Then he headed off to the hospital to be with his wife and baby, while I minded their two older children. They were very excited about their new sister they had yet to meet. Their Aunt came by to collect them and take them to the hospital to meet the baby. I stayed behind, finishing off the dishes and making sure all the surfaces in the kitchen were spotless. Then I made my way to the hospital, as requested. It was then that I met "Erin".

Erin and Kat were getting off to a fabulous start with their breastfeeding. Of the past six years Kat has spent breastfeeding, she has only had a six month break and now she embarks on a tandem feeding adventure.

Our flight home left Brisbane at 8pm on Monday night. Before catching the two trains from where we were staying to the airport I dropped by Kat's house to make a fresh bottle of labourade. I had the pleasure of teaching her eldest daughter how to do it too so she could keep her Mumma well stocked in the beverage after I was gone.

Before departing I said good-bye and thank-you to Kat. She was snuggled up in bed with her delicious new girl. So much that could not be said, was felt instead, holding hands, embracing one another. We laughed at how our babies were wearing the same sized suits despite almost seven months passing between their births.

A few hours later I just had to know the stats. As we checked our luggage in at the airport I plonked my baby on the conveyer-belt and learned that she weighed a mere kilo more than Kat's not yet 48-hour old baby!

Home again now and everything is exactly as it was before, for me. I feel as if I dreamt that week. Then Kat shares photos of Erin via Facebook and I remember it was real. I wish I weren't so far from them now, but trust the women still there are nurturing the pair well in my absence.

Dearest Kat, thank-you so much for inviting me to join you for that week. 

Part of what makes it feel so dream-like to me is that I cannot believe my luck that I got to be in the same space as you as you birthed. What luck! What honour! To top it all off it happened in this surreal holiday land where it's Summer in Winter.

My only regret is that I was unable to be there for more of the postpartum care. Hopefully the labourade and herbs served you well and you're still scoring snuggle-time in bed with that perfect girl, just as I left you xoxo.

Evolving Definiton of "Birth Servant"

When I first felt the call to become a birth servant I imagined watching babies emerge from vaginas. I thought that was the job description. But the last three births I've attended have taught me that bearing witness to mothers pushing out their babies is but a perk of the birth servant's work.

As I arrived at Loz's newly minted birth space her midwife apologised to me because I had missed the main event. But it wasn't the first time. Eloise “fell” out of Sarah with only her Father present, just two hours prior I had been with them. And I missed my first hospital birth experience a couple of months ago when the sibling-support person cancelled and someone was needed to stay home and care for the mumma's already earthside children.

I was asked by a friend if missing births bothers me and for the most part it doesn't. I believe that you make it to the births you're meant to be present for. This is also why I'm not fussed about my 1 birth a year average and don't actively seek advertising or promotion.

It's also worth considering how people define “birth”. For example, while I wasn't present at the exact moment Eloise was born, I spent two full days with Sarah in the lead up to that moment. In retrospect I attended more of that birth than any other support person on Sarah's team, I missed two hours (they just happened to be the most action packed!). Birthing is a journey and it starts long before you spy a crowning head. 

Bearing witness to a new being entering the world is extraordinarily humbling, exciting, magical and yet boringly normal all at the same time. But most of the work birth attendants do happens before and after the birth. I was honoured to sew wheat packs for Sarah as she dilated around the house and the hours I spent with Loz after River's birth were other-worldly.

It would be rather hypocritical for me to get upset about missing births when I myself have assembled a “birth” support team with the explicit understanding that they would not be invited to the birth when the time came. Some women prefer to birth alone, or one on one with a loved one. It's rare for a baby to read the birth plan before the big day. Generally, babies have their own plan, which we get to discover in the moment. And while their Mummas might want me there, the babies choose differently.

Ultimately if the Mumma who asked me to join her is satisfied with the role I played throughout her journey, then I'm happy. It is, after all, all about her and her baby, not me. I suspect that the longer you serve birth, the more humble you become. I know that when I started dreaming of being at births, in 2006, I had grandiose visions of me playing the role of superhero. Undies on the outside, cape and all, standing between a birthing woman and a knife wielding surgeon. A very egostistical view of my role.

Since attending births and giving birth, I now understand that the superhero is the Mumma. She doesn't need a cape or undies on the outside, she's got all her power within. Thus far I've only been at homebirths (or the home-part of a hospital birth), so there has been no knife wielding surgeon, and no need for anyone to protect the Mumma. The idea of birth servant as hero is ludicrous to me these days. Birthing women don't need saving!

Experience has taught me that my job involves getting myself the hell out of the way! Stand back and let that Mumma release her powers. I'm sure it would be different if I were attending births in hospital where the black cloud of intervention looms and the dynamics of numerous staff come into play. I'm sure attending hospital births will teach me a lot of new lessons, when the time comes. But even then, it won't be about me protecting or saving the mother. It will be about finding a way to ensure that everyone else in the space stands back and lets the birthing woman be her own hero.

Now, that may require some ninja-doula skill... ;P

My friend Sarah as a jedi-doula, a role I described to her in my birth plan (complete with this pic) last year.

Proven Link Between Baby Slings & Life

Babe asleep in Ellaroo woven wrap

I caught up with my Grandparents this week and they were very concerned about my babywearing. That morning they had heard a story in the news about a baby dying in a sling and they knew I wear my girls all the time. While I can appreciate that their warnings come from a place of love, their concern bothered me because it indicated that they had reached the conclusion that babywearing kills. This is false.

There's no denying that the baby's death is a tragedy. I can't imagine the pain that mother must be in. I hope she is receiving love and support from those who know her best. The reaction from non-babywearers in my life has included: fear of slings and warnings to take care of my children. I have asked myself: "what if this baby had stopped breathing while in a pram instead of a sling?" My family did not feel the need to warn me about my pram use the numerous times prams ended up on the train tracks at Melbourne railway stations. Why not? Because using a pram is the norm in Western society and babywearing is 'foreign', 'unusual' or 'a new trend'. Babywearers know that carrying children is nothing new, it has gone hand in hand with mothering and mother's contributing to their societies since ancient times.

Sadly some non-babywearers have taken the news of this baby's death as evidence that babywearing is unsafe. This is simply not true. Every product carries a risk to the user. A few years ago a mother went for a jog with her baby in a pram and the pram ended up in a river, the baby died. In the case of the sling a fact not included in every report is that the child was in a sling which was under the mother's clothing (see here and here). Most babywearing parents know not to cover a baby's face with clothing while wearing him or her. Having said that, I often forget to use the safety strap on my pram and I've seen mothers cover their babies faces with clothing and blankets while they slept in slings and during breastfeeds (hell, I've been told to cover my baby's face with blankets while feeding her!) and never seen these things end in tragedy. I believe it is incredibly sad that this baby happened to die, as a babywearer it feels terribly unfortunate that this happened while the baby was in a sling. But the sling did not cause the baby's death, the baby could have taken his last breath in a pram or a cot or lying on a blanket in a lounge room.

It is important to be clear on the facts in this story. Babywearing is not this baby's cause of death, the pathology experts involved in this case wrote to The Medical Journal of Australia: "In the absence of definitive pathological findings, the cause of death was undetermined". In the absence of a clear cause of death the authors considered the sling a risk factor. Part of me wonders if a cot would be considered a risk factor had the baby stopped breathing in the cot, or a pram, and I wonder why clothing has not also been labelled 'risky'? Well, it has to be said that prams, cots and clothing are not 'foriegn', 'unusual' or 'a new trend' in mainstream Australian society.

Some less compassionate Australians have taken it upon themselves to publicly shame babywearers in the aftermath of this tragedy. As a babywearer there have been times when I've seen screaming newborns, unattended by parents in prams and I've seen crotch dangling babies facing outwards in baby bjorn carriers and I've resisted the urge to lecture them on their parenting, though in my case the dangers of both these things have been found, unlike the tenuous link between this baby's death and slings. But I've held my tongue, or struck up a conversation that gently introduces the concept of babywearing (or safer babywearing) and how they might find it facilitates easier mothering. We're not responsible for the way others treat us, only for our reactions.

Even before this baby's death my partner and I have endured harrassment for our babywearing. My partner was once stalked around a shopping centre by another father, convinced that my husband was going to suffocate our baby, sleeping on his back in a yamo. I've had so many elderly women lecture me about my baby's neck, my baby's legs, my baby's airway when I've been out and about in my local community wearing a sling. Most of the time I smile and let them know that I know what I'm doing. Sometimes I want to snap "You're not even the first person to say this today, shut up and leave me alone!" or "Have you ever even worn a baby? I don't lecture you about blue rinses coz I don't know shit about them, I'd rather appreciate the same in return!" I've resisted! Though I admit I've been short and sarcastic with some particularly annoying criticisms. But now more than ever before, Australia needs educating on the safety of babywearing, and my snapping will do nothing to help.

Using the Babyhawk mei tai

We want babies to be worn! We know that babies are happier and healthier when they're worn. A misfortune piled on top of this tragedy is that a host of parents and parents-to-be are now turned off the idea of babywearing. That makes me sad for those babies who might otherwise have been worn close to their mum or dads' hearts. While slings are making headlines it's time to put our favourite carries forward and show the world that babywearing is life, not a death trap!

To my babywearing sister in mourning. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your two day old son. I cannot imagine the trauma you and your family have suffered as a result of his death. It is my guess that you battle with guilt and have been subjected to terrible judgment and unnecessary comments from people lacking in compassion. I am so sorry for their ignorance and mostly for them misplacing it on you during such a difficult time.  I know that no one in the world cared more about your baby's safety than you and that no one's heart is broken more than yours over his death. One thought that I had, which I hope might bring you some small comfort, was how blessed he was to have had a mother who kept him close his whole short life. And when it was his time what a comfort it must have been to him to take his last breath against the skin of the one who loved him best, hear heart, the last sound he heard. May you find the support you need to find a way to live with the grief xoxo


Links on sling safety


Is Babywearing Safe? 

Is My Sling Safe?

Tinoki Talk - Tragedy

Not all slings are created equal - Babes in Arms 

Infant Sling Safety

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Menarche Blessing Circle

I had the pleasure of attending my first menarche celebration yesterday. There's something so special about being surrounded by people who, like me, appreciate the power of menstruation, who speak openly about it, without shame. Like birth, menstruation can be uncomfortable, it can get messy, some cycles are harder than others. But like birth we're talking potency, we're talking woman-only power. I was really touched to be a part of someone's sacred first blood ritual.

The Mother of the new woman had  transformed an outdoor canopy into a womb-like space with red balloons attached to the ceiling, pink blankets to sit on, a red table filled with pink and red foods and drink, and a red beanbag throne for the new woman to sit upon. The colour coordinated foods were quite cute (and delicious). The most impressive menu item was hands down, the yoni cakes.

The circle began with the proud Mumma reading a poem she found online (some searching led me to find it here). I found it quite stirring.

Woman power of the East,
send forth your clarity,
shed your light upon our path,
inspire us with purity of the heart,
from the beginning of our first blood
until the last.
We call forth your simplicity
to aid us with our lives.

Woman power of the South,
strong and mighty,
flame the power within our wombs,
awaken our creativity,
give it life through our blood power.
We call forth your strength
to aid us with our lives.

Woman power of the West,
flowing power of the womb,
sacred blood, mystery blood,
blood of life, blood of transformation,
We call forth your sacredness
to aid us with our lives.

Woman power of the North,
the deepness of our inner souls,
strengthen our wisdom Crone
who dwells in young and old alike.
Send forth the voices of our Grandmothers
to guide us through the bleeding of each moon.
We call upon your wisdom
to aid us with our lives.

We were asked to bring a cloth pad to give to the new-woman, to build her stash. We were also asked to bring a bead to make her some jewelry to wear during her bleeds.

Women shared their own menarche stories, and spoke of the blessings as well as the challenges menstruation bestows upon us.

After the formal circle the woman of honour's young friends wandered the neighbourhood picking flowers. A crown was made for her from the flowers.

It was a lovely celebration of womanhood. Maidens, mothers and a crone were present. Also the woman of honour's elder brother was present, which I felt was a heart-warming display of support for his sister and for his Mum who was understandably emotional.

I know that everyone present was filled with a special energy created by the circle. Thank-you A & M for being the beautiful women that you are and creating such a circle. Thank-you for inviting me to share in this sacred ritual. Finally, thank-you for inspiring me in many mothering and menstrual ways xoxo

Why not treat yourself to cute little cunt cakes like these during your next bleed?

Position Statement

From The BS Herald:

Doctors say hospital is 'da shit, yo!
By Sari Lang

The Australian College of Proctologists issued a position statement on home eliminating today after lengthy debates brought about by calls from the Australian Medical Bureau for improved regulatory guidelines for unassisted use of anal sphincters. 

The ACP stated that "where Australian men and women chose to eliminate is their choice". However, the position statement went on to rule out entire sections of the population from being eligible to poo at home because they are deemed too "high risk".

Despite the medical literature attesting to the safety of using one's anal sphincter at home (in fact research suggests that the privacy afforded by home toileting makes pooing easier and in some cases even pleasurable), the ACP has outlined circumstances in which it would be "contraindicated" for Australians to go to the toilet at home. These circumstances included: constipation, diarrhea,  hemorrhoids, and when the age of the eliminator is over 35 or under 20. In these cases the ACP stressed the importance of transferring to hospital where registered proctologists can provide constant monitoring of the elimination process.

The position statement came as a shock to the last few proctologists operating under the illusion that their college was a separate entity from the AMB. The document read as if written by AMB members who have long sought to bring an end to home toileting, such as Dr Pesty, head of the AMB. Pesty has been quoted on several occasions claiming that the human elimination process is dangerous unless in hospital where trained staff are ready to deal with complications. 

Home toileting advocates are disappointed with the statement. Sara Kurns, head of The Elimination Coalition has warned that rates of unnecessary surgery for dealing with variations of normal elimination will greatly increase because proctologists are surgeons. Kurns said that hospitals do not have the resources to provide adequate care for eliminators and as a result arbitrary time limits are placed on hospital pooers, leading to high rates of intervention, which would not ocurr in these cases at home.

Ms Jane Fraizer of the Private Poo network has declared this a human rights issue, asking "Where does it end? Eliminating is a normal physiological process which has historically always taken place at home. Next the AMB will be urging Australians to transfer to hospital to ensure safe digestion!" In response Dr Pesty declared Fraizer "a very silly girl, indeed" stating that "the issue is pooing. It is unsanitary, can be very messy and is better left in the capable hands of experts."

Stay tuned throughout the week, when we will publish anecdote after anecdote from men and women who have never taken a crap at home about how lucky they were to survive the drama of shitting in hospital.

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Can you guess what happened on the Austrian birthing scene this week?
See here for a clue.

Rebozo & Wrap Versatility

"Rebozo" refers to a type of shawl commonly worn by women in Mexico. Traditional Mexican midwives have long used their shawls as pregnancy, birth and postpartum aids for: relaxation, optimal foetal positioning, to carry their babies hands free and to aid postpartum recovery. Last year I came to own my very own rebozo shawl, all the way from Mexico (via LA). I enjoyed nightly rebozo sessions courtesy of my partner, who lovingly sifted me to sleep throughout my third trimester.

The rebozo techinique is performed by wrapping the shawl around a pregnant mother, with each end held by a birth servant or loved one. The birth servant/loved one then gently moves their arms up and down (or back and forth) creating a sifting motion which rocks the mother. For the mother receiving the rebozo treatment it is very relaxing, not unlike what it must be like for newborn babies when they're rocked to sleep in their mama's arms. As well as being relaxing, this sifting action has been shown to aid foetal positioning and increase a woman's comfort during childbirth.

Image sources
1. The Garden of Birth 2. South Wales Birth Support 3. Breech Sifting
4. Rebozo Massage 5. Midwifery Knowledge 6. Comfort Measures
7. Midwifery Knowledge 8. Natural Beginings 9. South Wales Birth Support

Another rebozo method, which is sometimes referred to as "closing the bones," involves wrapping the shawl around the mother, but instead of sifting, the birth servant places the ends of the shawl in the hand on the opposite side of the body and then pulls both ends away from the mothers body, leaving her being gently squeezed or hugged by the shawl in the middle.

During the last five weeks of pregnancy I found "closing the bones" rebozo to be very soothing. My body was beginning to ache from all the stretching caused by pregnancy. I wrapped my woven wrap (made and bought to be a baby carrier) around my hips to close myself up and found walking around easier that way.

After the baby was born my wrap took a babywearing backseat to my other carriers, until last week. Last week I attended my first Melbourne Babywearers gathering, hosted by Brie from Tinoki slings. There were wrap-lovers aplenty! They rekindled my wrap love and helped me master a back carry. It's rather thrilling to take one long piece of cloth, work magic and end up with a happy baby securely attached to your back. All week strangers have been stopping to ask what on earth I've got my baby in and how it works. I even scored an "Ooooh, Wow! That's amazing!" on the train one afternoon.

Having discovered so many uses for my woven wrap it has more than paid for itself. Before owning and using a wrap I thought $100 (approx) for a piece of cloth was steep. But having had one that's in as good condition today as it was four years ago, after all it has done for me, I think they're absolutely worth their price. Heck, just the comfort it gave me in those last weeks of pregnancy was worth $100! And I'm told they can get a decent resale price too. Our pram cost more than five woven wraps, it's faded, repeatedly needs new wheels and servicing, all it can do is move forward and it has never helped me get to sleep ;) We're planning a big family and I know that our youngest will be worn in the same wrap we bought for our first, I can't say that for our pram (or even our nappies and baby clothes).

And, as if woven wraps and shawls weren't versatile enough, Brie introduced me to recreational wrap use in the form of children's swings! Rekindling our big kid's love of wraps:

As was said at the Melborne Babywearers' gathering last week:

"All babywearing's good. Wrapping is magic" ;)

Links

Rebozo
A bit of a rebozo 101

Rebozo Sifting, or jiggling - foetal positioning
About rebozo on the Spinning Babies website

The rebozo technique photos
Photos of Aussie midwife Lisa Barrett using rebozo

Transcription of rebozo workshop
Workshop run by a traditional midwife shared on Midwifery Today.

Using rebozo video
Footage of rebozo in action with links underneath.

Birth week round up
Previous blog post featuring photos from a rebozo workshop I attended, includes how to use rebozo for posterior babies.

Rebozo Me Tenderly
To purchase your own Mexican shawl

Rebozo workshop
I had the pleasure of attending one of Fiona Hallinan's rebozo workshops a few years ago

Review of my wrap


Tinoki Slings
To purchase your own woven wrap

Babywearer Forums
This section of the forum is devoted entirely to discussing wraps: choosing them and using them.