Blessingways (Mother Showers)

A blessingway (also known as a "mother blessing" or "mother circle") is similar to a baby shower in the sense that it is a celebration held toward the end of a woman's pregnancy. However, the focus of a blessingway is the mother and her upcoming birth, rather than the baby and receiving commercial baby products. The blessingway is a ritual to honour pregnancy, birth, and the mother. In particular it is an occasion for people in a pregnant woman's life to bless the way forward for her as she enters (or re-enters) motherhood, via the great rite of passage that is giving birth.

Blessingways are a beautiful example of contemporary feminine bonding, as they usually involve pampering the pregnant mama with massage, a foot bath, and hair braiding. Usually the pregnant mama's belly is decorated in some form to reflect on the beauty of pregnancy as this sacred time moves towards completion. This may include making a cast of the belly with plaster, painting the belly, or tattooing the belly with henna.

Pregnant mama receiving a henna tattoo

Pregnant mama receiving hand and foot massages

Pregnant mama in a drying plaster belly cast

Many blessingways also include making the pregnant mama a beaded necklace to wear during the birth. Each of her guests bring one bead (or a selection), and present it to the mama explaining what drew them to that particular bead, why they chose it specifically for her, and what they hope it brings to her birthing experience.

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Blessingway guests making a birth necklace

Parents-to-be, mama wearing her completed necklace.

Another tradition is the woven circle, where all the mother's guests stand in a circle and she walks around wrapping one long piece of wool (or any kind of yarn) around the guests wrists a couple of times. Once everyone is connected the mother goes around the circle a second time and cuts every free so they are left with a band around their wrist which they wear until the time of the baby's birth. This way all the women stay connected to one another and are left with a special something from the day which will cause them to remember their friend whenever they see it on their wrists.

Candles are another common gift at blessingways. As with the beads, guests bring a candle for the pregnant mama which they can either take home with them and light when they hear their friend has gone into labour, or they can leave it with her to light in her birth space as a reminder of you and your good tidings for her birth experience.

A selection of blessingway beads and candles

Each blessingway can be made unique by adding personal touches. For example a card-making mama covered her kitchen table with stationary and art supplies for her guests to make cards with inspirational messages she could read during labour. Another mama with Japanese extended family made origami with her guests. And a knit-loving mama wove woolen bracelets for each of her friends to wear until the birth of her baby.

Pregnant mama & her doula making woolen birth bracelets

A thoughtful and practical gift guests can bring to a blessingway is a freezable meal for the pregnant mama's family to heat and eat during the early days of the newborn's life. And the blessingway provides a perfect opportunity to volunteer to come over and do some household chores for the family after the baby has been born.

Chocolate cupcakes with yoni shaped icing,
a yummy birth related sweet served at a blessingway

All too often our society forgets about the mother's experience and thinks only of the new baby. A blessingway is a great ritualistic reminder of the mother's importance when it comes to pregnancy, birth and the baby. A blessingway is a wonderful celebration of this very special time in a mother's life.

To read about some of the blessingways I have been a part of click here, here, here & here