What Does "Support" Mean?

This year's World Breastfeeding Week theme is supporting mothers, which begs the question what is support? I have noticed two major understandings of what it means to be supportive. The first is the belief that to be supportive of a mother we must agree with her, nod and smile, and bite our tongues if we have information that contradicts the information she bases her choice on. The second understanding of support involves recognising that knowledge is power and that a mother cannot truly make a choice unless she knows what she is really choosing and what the alternatives are.

The biggest difference between these two schools of thought is that those who subscribe to the smile and nod approach believe that all choices are equal. In this school both breastfeeding and formula feeding are seen as valid "choices" and regardless of which a mother chooses, and the motivations behind such a choice, she deserves to be patted on the back and told she made the right choice. In these people's view it is unsupportive to tell a formula feeding mother the facts about breast milk's superiority to artificial milk, or even to question her about what led her to make such a choice.

Those who take the second view of support don't believe that respecting all choices as equal is supportive. Not only is it not supportive, it is insulting to mothers. For example, deciding not to share the facts about breastfeeding to formula feeding mothers out of a desire not to upset them assumes that formula feeding mothers are too precious to process information and need to be protected from the truth.

Another key difference between the two understandings of support is what the goal of offering support is in each. In the first (soft) approach the aim of support is to comfort or make the mother feel good about herself and her choices. Contrastingly, the goal of support in the second understanding is empowerment.

I am of the opinion that supporting mothers involves being honest with them, even if the truth might hurt. Sometimes when we are honest about breastfeedings' superiority over formula feeding, mothers become defensive and perceive our honesty as a personal attack. That is the risk we face in attempting to truly support mothers. But even if they are not ready to accept the facts, we have planted a seed of information that will stay with those mothers, and maybe in the future we (or someone else) can nurture that seed in the mother and watch as it grows and she blossoms into a more informed individual. Having said that, there are of course ways to be honest with mothers without being cruel.

Many choices and opinions based on a lack of knowledge are based on fear itself or fear of the unknown. Breastfeeding is not seen as normal in our society (by which I mean it is considered a choice mothers have to make, rather than something they automatically do). This means that before women reach the point at which they must make the decision to breastfeed, they already have years of impressions, opinions, prejudices and fears about breastfeeding to confront, as well as years worth of formula advertisements. Thus access to information is of paramount importance. Your decision to either smile and nod or share the facts with a mother could make the difference between whether her children get the health and well-being they deserve, or man-made powder from a can.

The smile and nod approach to support is not only a dead-end in terms of mothers becoming empowered through knowledge, it assists formula companies in upholding the belief that formula is just another valid form of feeding a child, and it is not! Formula is an absolute last resort for the mother who has tried everything but still can't feed her child breast milk (hers or anyone else's).

So how can you support a mother or mother-to-be?

• Buy her a membership to the Australian Breastfeeding Association (or your nation's equivalent group).

• Provide her with information from the World Health Organisation about the importance of breastfeeding

• Provide her with information from other trustworthy sources about the importance of breastfeeding and the risks of formula feeding (such as the kellymom website, see Ilithyia Inspired breastfeeding articles and brestfeeding websites for more).
  

• If a woman tells you she couldn't breastfeed tell her how sorry you are for her. Ask her what she tried and what kind of support she got? Eg. did she sleep with her baby, express, refuse to supplement with formula, enlist the help of the ABA and lactation consultants or other lactating mums who could donate their milk? Remember that the actual number of women who cannot breastfeed or produce enough milk to feed their babies is minute. Be an outlet for her grief, because it is there, it is just not often given the space to be expressed in a society where breastfeeding is not considered normal.
  

• Find a struggling mother a lactation consultant.

• If you're lactating offer your milk if she needs it, even if it's just for a couple of days or weeks as she learns how to do it herself. She will get it.

• Remind her that many people start off struggling, there is a period of adjustment and learning, and that's normal and it's okay, and it doesn't mean she won't get to a place of ease and enjoyment.

• Don't give up on her even if she wants to give up on herself.
  

• Share your own breastfeeding story to give her inspiration and hope, or provide her with with the inspirational stories of others (to see a list of breastfeeding stories click here).

• If you know she is being provided with incorrect information correct it immediately. Even if it is a health professional giving her this wrong information, you need to give her access to the facts, and remember that doctors, nurses and midwives don't necessarily know the facts about breastfeeding, and some of them even receive promotional information from formula companies.
  
  
• Don't be afraid to get topless and nurse in front of your friends, family, other mothers, mothers-to-be, the world! If we are to normalise breastfeeding it has to be seen and accepted, and how is a woman supposed to suddenly know how to breastfeed if she hasn't even seen it done before her time comes?

• Challenge the assumption that many women can't breastfeed or don't produce enough milk. How insulting this incorrect assumption is to women! Our bodies were made to breastfeed. If so many women can't breastfeed, women would not have breasts! If you know a mother who is concerned about her supply give her the information which will set her mind at ease (eg. how breast milk production works, and what she can do to increase her supply in the unlikely event that she needs to do something to help build her supply).
  

• Encourage mothers to disregard the "advice" of their mothers who formula fed. Sadly our mothers generation had even less support and access to information than we have today, and many of them believed they had no choice but to use formula, and believed that formula was just as good as breast milk. Some of these women find it hard (or refuse) to accept that they got it wrong or were lied to, and to reassure themselves they like other women to do the same as they once did. Your support can be as simple as saying "aren't we fortunate that we have better information and support than our mothers ever did?"

• Share you experience. Don't be afraid to tell other mothers how much breastfeeding means to you and your children, and all that you've gained from it in addition to increased health. If someone tries to silence you because they think your breastfeeding joy is offensive to mothers who don't breastfeed pull them up on this, you can say "that has nothing to do with my story", ask them why they don't value your experience as much as those mothers experiences? If you're feeling really brave you can ask them why they feel threatened by your breastfeeding joy?