A Very Personal Gift

Last Christmas I gave someone the greatest gift I've ever given anyone. A gift that; boosts the immune system, protects children from sudden infant death syndrome, lowers a child's risk of developing asthma, diabetes, and food allergies later in life, and is great for bones, skin and teeth, to name just a few awesome facts about this gift: my breast milk.

Jay lives over 1370 kilometres from me. We met through an online homebirth community. When I was preparing for the birth of my child I drew a lot of strength and inspiration from her. I was anxious about the breastfeeding journey that lay ahead of me, but Jay had graciously shared her breastfeeding story online and she made me realise that with determination (and support) anyone could breastfeed.

During her third pregnancy Jay was diagnosed with hypoplastic breasts. This meant her breasts had underdeveloped milk glands, as the 007B website explains: "they simply don't have enough milk producing cells", which can lead to milk supply issues. If she wanted to exclusively breastfeed her child she would need the help of other lactating mothers.

To ensure that she gave her baby the best start to life and protected him from the dangerous health risks of artificial breast milk (ABM) Jay created a community of breast milk donors in her community. Jay adhered to the World Health Organisation’s recommendations that ABM should only be considered once the possibility of breast milk donations has been attempted.

As the holiday season was approaching Jay became concerned about the amount of frozen expressed breast milk (EBM) in her freezer and the availability of her donors during Christmas and The New Year. She appealed to the online homebirth community I belong to for more donors.

I learned that EBM could be packed with dry ice and sent around the world which meant I could possibly donate my milk to Jay. I replied to her request and said she could have all the milk I could express as soon as I figured out how to send it across the country. Thankfully others saw my response and before we knew it Jay had donors in Brisbane, Melbourne, Perth and regional areas too! Like the other donors, I just had to get a blood test to make sure I had no diseases that might pass into my milk and onto Jay's baby.

I kept my breast pump handy. Whenever I was feeling relaxed I would put it to my breast and start squeezing the handle. Before this I had only expressed to relieve engorgement or to get 5 to 10mls worth of milk to relive my child's conjunctivitis, blocked ears or runny nose (which I administered using a dropper). I found it painful and laborious.

Like birth, breastfeeding causes the mother's body to release oxytocin, a hormone which causes ejection reflexes such as the foetal ejection reflex that occurs during second stage labour, the ejection reflex women can sometimes experience during orgasm and of course the breasts' milk ejection reflex (or “let down”). But for oxytocin levels to rise enough to cause these ejections a woman must have a relaxed environment where she feels safe. Knowing this, whenever I sat down to pump for Jay and her baby I would try to get into the right frame of mind.

Other milk donor mums let me in on their secrets to successful expressing. These tips included pumping first thing in the morning and while your baby suckled at the other breast. Both tips helped a lot. Something else that helped was my own child's growing interest in the world beyond my bust. When in the company of others she became too excited to want to be still and feed, so the stretches between feeds over the holiday season became longer, and the milk was eager to flow when I pumped.

I discovered that trying to reach a certain numerical goal of EBM can threaten breastfeeding confidence. Watching my milk slowly drip into the pump made it seem like so little milk is made. Of course a baby is much more efficient at suckling milk from a breast and mother and baby's bodies work together to create optimum conditions for let-down, very different to pumping breast tissue with a piece of plastic. Still, there were times during when I thought to myself "oh my God, does my baby get any milk out of me?", "what's wrong with my breasts?", "all that work for so little payoff!" The flip side was looking at a jar full of milk that I made, which was very affirming. The thrill of fill a jar was fun.

I got to witness the magic of fore and hind breast milk. At the beginning of a feed breast milk is clear and watery. This is ideal for when the child needs to quench thirst but isn't up for a big meal. As the child stays at the breast the breast begins to let down thicker, white, fatty milk known as the hind milk. This is a gradual change from the clear to white milk (sort of like the same graduation from cold to hot water when turning on the hot tap at a kitchen sink). When first expressed all the milk blends in together, but when left in the fridge in a jar, undisturbed, it begins to separate. The thick white hind milk sits at the top, like skin forming on a soup, and the watery fore milk stays below.

Everytime I added more milk to my jar I swirled it around so that the fore and hind milk mixed together. I did this because otherwise the hind milk would stick stubbornly to the sides of the jar, and I didn't want that important milk to stay on my jar when it could be making it to a baby's tummy!

The jar I stored my milk in was an old mustard jar which had been sterilised. At the end of a sitting with my pump I emptied my expressed gold into the old mustard jar and kept it cool at the back of the fridge. Here it would keep for three days (ABA - Expressing and Storing Breast Milk). When the jar was full or close to full (or when the milk had been in the fridge for two days) I would pour the milk into a zip lock bag, seal it and place it in my freezer. Before using the zip lock bag I would label it with my name, the date the milk was expressed and the date it was frozen (sometime I would leave personal messages to Jay on the bags too, which made her smile months down the track). In my freezer the milk was safe for Jay's baby for three months if need be (ABA - Expressing and Storing Breast Milk).

Pumping for Jay on Christmas morning

Jay arranged to have a courier pack an esky with my frozen EBM & party ice (as it turned out dry ice was not safe for couriering) and fly the esky to her. This was no cheap feat! But such was Jay’s commitment to ensuring her son received breast milk.

I had wondered what a delivery man might think about border-hopping breast milk. But this was no ordinary delivery man. He and his wife felt it was an honour to be delivering something so precious from one family to another. As he packed the esky we talked about the wonder of breast milk, the potential for his wife to relactate and continue feeding their weaned two year old, and the amazing situation we found ourselves in thanks to Jay and her son. We both took photos of our special delivery before I farewelled my milk.

The following morning I received an email from Jay thanking me for the gift. The milk had arrived safely. We arranged a second courier date for March*. After that her son would be eating more solid foods and could get enough milk from Jay’s breasts alone. Thanks to Jay and her precious babe for giving us such a wondrous honour. There is nothing quite like the feeling of knowing I was able to give you a gift that can do so much for the heatlh and well-being of another person. I look forward to our little milk sibling children meeting one another in the future.


*In total I donated over 5 and a half litres of breast milk to Jay and her son, which flew (frozen) from Melbourne to Brisbane during the warmest months of the year.