Proven Link Between Baby Slings & Life

Babe asleep in Ellaroo woven wrap

I caught up with my Grandparents this week and they were very concerned about my babywearing. That morning they had heard a story in the news about a baby dying in a sling and they knew I wear my girls all the time. While I can appreciate that their warnings come from a place of love, their concern bothered me because it indicated that they had reached the conclusion that babywearing kills. This is false.

There's no denying that the baby's death is a tragedy. I can't imagine the pain that mother must be in. I hope she is receiving love and support from those who know her best. The reaction from non-babywearers in my life has included: fear of slings and warnings to take care of my children. I have asked myself: "what if this baby had stopped breathing while in a pram instead of a sling?" My family did not feel the need to warn me about my pram use the numerous times prams ended up on the train tracks at Melbourne railway stations. Why not? Because using a pram is the norm in Western society and babywearing is 'foreign', 'unusual' or 'a new trend'. Babywearers know that carrying children is nothing new, it has gone hand in hand with mothering and mother's contributing to their societies since ancient times.

Sadly some non-babywearers have taken the news of this baby's death as evidence that babywearing is unsafe. This is simply not true. Every product carries a risk to the user. A few years ago a mother went for a jog with her baby in a pram and the pram ended up in a river, the baby died. In the case of the sling a fact not included in every report is that the child was in a sling which was under the mother's clothing (see here and here). Most babywearing parents know not to cover a baby's face with clothing while wearing him or her. Having said that, I often forget to use the safety strap on my pram and I've seen mothers cover their babies faces with clothing and blankets while they slept in slings and during breastfeeds (hell, I've been told to cover my baby's face with blankets while feeding her!) and never seen these things end in tragedy. I believe it is incredibly sad that this baby happened to die, as a babywearer it feels terribly unfortunate that this happened while the baby was in a sling. But the sling did not cause the baby's death, the baby could have taken his last breath in a pram or a cot or lying on a blanket in a lounge room.

It is important to be clear on the facts in this story. Babywearing is not this baby's cause of death, the pathology experts involved in this case wrote to The Medical Journal of Australia: "In the absence of definitive pathological findings, the cause of death was undetermined". In the absence of a clear cause of death the authors considered the sling a risk factor. Part of me wonders if a cot would be considered a risk factor had the baby stopped breathing in the cot, or a pram, and I wonder why clothing has not also been labelled 'risky'? Well, it has to be said that prams, cots and clothing are not 'foriegn', 'unusual' or 'a new trend' in mainstream Australian society.

Some less compassionate Australians have taken it upon themselves to publicly shame babywearers in the aftermath of this tragedy. As a babywearer there have been times when I've seen screaming newborns, unattended by parents in prams and I've seen crotch dangling babies facing outwards in baby bjorn carriers and I've resisted the urge to lecture them on their parenting, though in my case the dangers of both these things have been found, unlike the tenuous link between this baby's death and slings. But I've held my tongue, or struck up a conversation that gently introduces the concept of babywearing (or safer babywearing) and how they might find it facilitates easier mothering. We're not responsible for the way others treat us, only for our reactions.

Even before this baby's death my partner and I have endured harrassment for our babywearing. My partner was once stalked around a shopping centre by another father, convinced that my husband was going to suffocate our baby, sleeping on his back in a yamo. I've had so many elderly women lecture me about my baby's neck, my baby's legs, my baby's airway when I've been out and about in my local community wearing a sling. Most of the time I smile and let them know that I know what I'm doing. Sometimes I want to snap "You're not even the first person to say this today, shut up and leave me alone!" or "Have you ever even worn a baby? I don't lecture you about blue rinses coz I don't know shit about them, I'd rather appreciate the same in return!" I've resisted! Though I admit I've been short and sarcastic with some particularly annoying criticisms. But now more than ever before, Australia needs educating on the safety of babywearing, and my snapping will do nothing to help.

Using the Babyhawk mei tai

We want babies to be worn! We know that babies are happier and healthier when they're worn. A misfortune piled on top of this tragedy is that a host of parents and parents-to-be are now turned off the idea of babywearing. That makes me sad for those babies who might otherwise have been worn close to their mum or dads' hearts. While slings are making headlines it's time to put our favourite carries forward and show the world that babywearing is life, not a death trap!

To my babywearing sister in mourning. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your two day old son. I cannot imagine the trauma you and your family have suffered as a result of his death. It is my guess that you battle with guilt and have been subjected to terrible judgment and unnecessary comments from people lacking in compassion. I am so sorry for their ignorance and mostly for them misplacing it on you during such a difficult time.  I know that no one in the world cared more about your baby's safety than you and that no one's heart is broken more than yours over his death. One thought that I had, which I hope might bring you some small comfort, was how blessed he was to have had a mother who kept him close his whole short life. And when it was his time what a comfort it must have been to him to take his last breath against the skin of the one who loved him best, hear heart, the last sound he heard. May you find the support you need to find a way to live with the grief xoxo


Links on sling safety


Is Babywearing Safe? 

Is My Sling Safe?

Tinoki Talk - Tragedy

Not all slings are created equal - Babes in Arms 

Infant Sling Safety

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Menarche Blessing Circle

I had the pleasure of attending my first menarche celebration yesterday. There's something so special about being surrounded by people who, like me, appreciate the power of menstruation, who speak openly about it, without shame. Like birth, menstruation can be uncomfortable, it can get messy, some cycles are harder than others. But like birth we're talking potency, we're talking woman-only power. I was really touched to be a part of someone's sacred first blood ritual.

The Mother of the new woman had  transformed an outdoor canopy into a womb-like space with red balloons attached to the ceiling, pink blankets to sit on, a red table filled with pink and red foods and drink, and a red beanbag throne for the new woman to sit upon. The colour coordinated foods were quite cute (and delicious). The most impressive menu item was hands down, the yoni cakes.

The circle began with the proud Mumma reading a poem she found online (some searching led me to find it here). I found it quite stirring.

Woman power of the East,
send forth your clarity,
shed your light upon our path,
inspire us with purity of the heart,
from the beginning of our first blood
until the last.
We call forth your simplicity
to aid us with our lives.

Woman power of the South,
strong and mighty,
flame the power within our wombs,
awaken our creativity,
give it life through our blood power.
We call forth your strength
to aid us with our lives.

Woman power of the West,
flowing power of the womb,
sacred blood, mystery blood,
blood of life, blood of transformation,
We call forth your sacredness
to aid us with our lives.

Woman power of the North,
the deepness of our inner souls,
strengthen our wisdom Crone
who dwells in young and old alike.
Send forth the voices of our Grandmothers
to guide us through the bleeding of each moon.
We call upon your wisdom
to aid us with our lives.

We were asked to bring a cloth pad to give to the new-woman, to build her stash. We were also asked to bring a bead to make her some jewelry to wear during her bleeds.

Women shared their own menarche stories, and spoke of the blessings as well as the challenges menstruation bestows upon us.

After the formal circle the woman of honour's young friends wandered the neighbourhood picking flowers. A crown was made for her from the flowers.

It was a lovely celebration of womanhood. Maidens, mothers and a crone were present. Also the woman of honour's elder brother was present, which I felt was a heart-warming display of support for his sister and for his Mum who was understandably emotional.

I know that everyone present was filled with a special energy created by the circle. Thank-you A & M for being the beautiful women that you are and creating such a circle. Thank-you for inviting me to share in this sacred ritual. Finally, thank-you for inspiring me in many mothering and menstrual ways xoxo

Why not treat yourself to cute little cunt cakes like these during your next bleed?