It has been an interesting week for my family. Looking back I'm dumbfounded by how one little moment can change everything. If my 12 month old daughter had fallen asleep at home on Sunday afternoon, as I had been encouraging her to do for quite some time, our week would have been normal. Instead she fell asleep in her Olives and Applesauce soft structured baby carrier, on her Dad's back, as he walked around the block. What followed was an anonymous display of babywearing ignorance, police harassment, media attention, public debate about risks and safety of baby carriers, and most upsetting: criticsm and judgement of our parenting and our handling of harassment.
I recorded the incident of harassment that took place on Sunday afternoon in a Facebook photo album which contained photos of Andrew wearing Eleanor in the carrier:
"Beach street, Frankston. 2 police cars stopped, 3 police got out and interrogated this Dad for wearing this 12 month old baby in this Olives and Applesauce soft structured baby carrier while she slept (with the hood on). They had received a call from someone saying a man was suffocating his baby while walking down the street.
After 1 officer stuck her head into the sling to see the baby, noted that they baby was fine and said so, they lectured this man about parenting, informing him that it was too hot to wear the baby (under 30 degrees with a cool breeze in a suburb by the sea), that it was unsafe to have her on his back, apparently having her on the front would "give her more room to breathe". They told him that his baby was at risk of dying of SIDS and requested he remove the sling and carry the baby home, which he refused to do because it would wake the child. 1 officer reached their hand into the sling and removed a small toy the child was holding in her sleep and stated "now there will be better airflow so she won't get so hot". 1 police officer loosened the hood which was supporting the sleeping baby's head.
After all this 1 officer asked why the was getting frustrated. The Dad was told to use a pram from now on.
We are very disappointed at this harassment from three individuals who clearly have no information about babywearing. We understand the need for police to investigate reports of child endangerment, however, there was no need for the intrusive behaviour that followed after the police ascertained that our baby was fine.
We have organised a public babywearing info session to spread the word about safe babywearing to try to improve understanding in the community. See here: https://www.facebook.com/events/345328852152960/
The focus of this event is promotion of the joy and safety of babywearing. It's a lack of general knowledge about babywearing that needs to be addressed on a wide scale.
There is a need for education. We urge babywearers elsewhere to organise sling meets to show the public what a range there is and how to wear safely. This is what will make change.
Remember our goal is to improve babywearing knowledge/awareness in the hope that no other parent will go through what Andrew did on Sunday :) and trust that Andrew (who is a Justice Officer with honours in criminology) will resolve any misunderstandings between himself and the three officers involved appropriately, through formal channels the police and vic gov have available to the public."
The album has been shared on Facebook over 230 times. First thing Monday morning, Andrew lodged a formal complaint with the Ethical Standards Department of the Victoria Police. It is currently being considered, but the person Andrew spoke with said that she did not think there was any misconduct involved. This surprised us, because we could imagine a lot of outrage if the same had been done to a parent with a pram. An officer simply would not reach into a pram and take a toy from a sleeping baby or adjust the straps providing support to that sleeping child! Nor would they lecture a parent about which style of pram to use.
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| 6pm dinner on the beach* |
The conveyner of Melbourne Babywearers heard the story and was shocked that babywearing had recieved such negative attention from a member of the public and the police officers. She published this post on her blog: "Babywearing Father Pulled Over". A local citizen who wore her three children in carriers during the 1980s also blogged about the incident in (an hilariously titled post): "Caution! Orlando Bloom had better stay out of Frankston". The next day Yvette published a follow up post inspired by comments her first post recieved: ""Fall out" from the Frankston baby sling incident" The Australian media got wind of the story and Tuesday morning a Melbourne radio station rang Andrew to hear what he had to say.
I was apprehensive about Andrew talking to the media, some members of a Facebook Babywearing sell and swap page were very opposed to any media attention, worried babywearing would come off badly. Andrew was well aware of the risks, he and I discussed it, but he just kept coming back to "what if three police officers had pulled over your sister, or your best friend and tampered with their carriers and touched their children? Do you think your sister would feel comfortable babywearing in public ever again? How upset would you best friend's kids be after something like that?" He was right. No one should have to suffer the harrassment he did, but despite that I'm glad that it was him, because he was patient enough to endure it and he is kind enough to want to do something to ensure it doesn't happen to anyone else. If it had happened to me I would have had an anxiety attack. So Andrew spoke to 3AW and his interview went quite well. You can listen to it on this page, at the bottom of the written summary: Cops lecture dad over baby sling.
On his lunch break that same day, Andrew spent his time speaking to Channel 9 news about babywearing. I was there, ever-ready to feed the baby. The interview went well, Andrew spoke about why he loves babywearing, how we've been doing it for almost four years, how it is safe, how he understood the police needed to investigate a possible smothering and he's glad they did, but how what followed after the first minute, when they ascertained Eleanor was fine, was unnecessary and he hopes speaking about it publicly will ensure no other babywearers are harassed in the future. The camera man had Andrew wander around with Eleanor on his back and filmed him for a while. Meanwhile the reporter and I stood by and had a chat. I mentioned to her that most of all it surprised me that the member of the public who rang the police felt that was the first thing he or she should do, rather than approaching Andrew, who is always happy to talk about babywearing and his children. The reporter asked if I would say that on camera because it was a good point, so I did. Then it was time for Andrew to get back to work and me to take Eleanor and pick our big girl up from her friend's place where she was having a play.
Unfortunately our story got bumped from the news because more pressing news had happened throughout the day. We were disappointed, but understood (a friend has since shared her view that we would have been articulate and levelheaded and had a great interview that would not stir up enough controversy to make it worth airing).
Melbourne's tabloid newspaper The Herald Sun rang Andrew on Tuesday and asked him for a quote. They already had their story. This tabloid is known for pot stirring, but he decided it was better he say something positive about babywearing rather than the story go to print with "Mr Langford refused to comment". While Andrew made many comments about the safety, comfort, convenience etc of babywearing only one made it into the article, his oft' said: babywearing is great because it's like a long hands-free cuddle.
As it was, Andrew was the only source on babywearing used in the story. Melbourne Babywearers weren't contacted. Babywearing International wasn't contacted. Olives and Applesauce weren't contacted. Instead, a group called Kidsafe** were contacted and the reporter spoke with a man who obviously has very little knowledge about babywearing who made a factually incorrect statement. You can read this piece here: Dad cops arrows over baby-back sling. The paper sent a photographer to us after Andrew returned from work Tuesday night and he took some photos of Andrew and Eleanor using the carrier. The photographer and I chatted about how he remembers his child falling asleep in her bikeseat while he rode them around. The photo that was used is great (please see at link), especially considering Eleanor is in the thick of a teething battle and it was her nap time (for anyone wondering, she is looking directly at me with her "why aren't you wearing me?" facial expression, at 12 months old Daddy is a bit of a second class parent ;) lol).
When the story broke online overnight/Wednesday morning we were disappointed with the focus, which was on stirring up debate about the safety of babywearing. The journalist had omitted the details of the harassment and pretty much everything Andrew said. However, there were many supportive comments beneath the article (particularly on the news.com.au site).
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| Babywearing Dads |
Lunchtime Wednesday we had a public babywearing gathering in Frankston to raise awareness, talk to locals and to have a positive presence in a busy area of the suburb. We felt this was necessary after the police harassment, however it wasn't a mere reaction to the police officers' conduct. Andrew and I have long suffered harassment and abuse for our babywearing, care of ignorant members of our local community. The most memorable of which are:
While many of the people commenting on our babywearing are well-meaning, we do tire of the intrusion and assumptions that we don't know what we're doing and can't act in the best interests of our children. The police officer on Sunday was not the first person to touch Eleanor in her sling without our consent, or attempt to adjust a carrier in use (though the police officer was the first person who succeeded in adjusting the sling, members of the general public are met with "excuse me, what do you think you're doing? Please do not touch us"). Andrew did not feel he could say this on Sunday.
Having said that, we have also received positive comments and introduced many people to babywearing. We are often told by mothers whose children are grown "I wish they had those things when my kids were young", which is rather sad because babywearing is an ancient art in parenting. The most memorable positive comment I received came when I overheard a mother and her grown daughter talking about my sling and when I turned to introduce myself and tell her where she could find out more about babywearing she informed me that I had talked to her over a year ago and it was thanks to me that she has her very own mei tai she uses daily.
- a woman who yelled out her window as she drove past me: "You're an %*#@ing disgrace for having your child in that thing!",
- two women snidely remarking to one another as they passed me that my baby was probably dead, as she slept on my back,
- a man followed Andrew around a shopping centre asking him if our baby could breathe and not leaving him alone until Nell moved, so he was sure our baby was alive.
- Regularly passersby tell us they're worried about our baby's breathing, whether her neck is supported, if her arms and legs are comfortable.
While many of the people commenting on our babywearing are well-meaning, we do tire of the intrusion and assumptions that we don't know what we're doing and can't act in the best interests of our children. The police officer on Sunday was not the first person to touch Eleanor in her sling without our consent, or attempt to adjust a carrier in use (though the police officer was the first person who succeeded in adjusting the sling, members of the general public are met with "excuse me, what do you think you're doing? Please do not touch us"). Andrew did not feel he could say this on Sunday.
Having said that, we have also received positive comments and introduced many people to babywearing. We are often told by mothers whose children are grown "I wish they had those things when my kids were young", which is rather sad because babywearing is an ancient art in parenting. The most memorable positive comment I received came when I overheard a mother and her grown daughter talking about my sling and when I turned to introduce myself and tell her where she could find out more about babywearing she informed me that I had talked to her over a year ago and it was thanks to me that she has her very own mei tai she uses daily.
Between ten and fifteen babywearing parents joined us for our public meet. It was wonderful to meet some other babywearing parents who live in the community, we spoke to passersby about safe babywearing, we tried out one another's carriers and learned from each other. The kids had a wonderful time playing together. At the very start of the gathering a reporter and photographer from The Frankston Standard Leader spoke to us. She took quotes from myself, a woman wearing her five year old in a mei tai and from Andrew. The photographer took group shots of all the babywearers who were there right at the start, sadly they missed those who joined us later. You can see all the photos from the meet here.
While we were there a woman who was having lunch at a nearby cafe came over to give her support. She had been reading the Herald Sun article while eating and couldn't believe the grief given over our parenting. A young childfree woman spent her afternoon with us because she had been worn as a child. Comments we received from members of the public included: "good on you for being here", "I hope you receive an apology" and "how silly, these children are obviously being taken good care of". We had no negative interactions while there. The following day while shopping, our sling was recognised from The Herald Sun, a woman said "give me a look at the little one in the papoose, oh she's so happy. You're doing a good job!"
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| Back and front carries with soft structured carriers, photo by Andrew Thompson |
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| Babywearing 3 year old |
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| Those of us babywearing at the start of the meet, photo by Bree Lamprell |
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| Mummas on the short side wearing 4 and 5 year olds (that's how supportive carriers are of parental muscles!) |
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| Talking to a member of the public photo by Andrew Thompson |
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| Dancing photo by Melissa O'Dowd |
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| I & L give a demonstration of how to do a back carry with a mei tai photo by Melissa O'Dowd |
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| Continued demonstration, photo by Melissa O'Dowd |
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| 4 year old in a woven wrap, photo by Melissa O'Dowd |
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| Mummas front carrying and back carrying 1 year olds |
The meet left me feeling a little better about the situation. It was nice to be heard, supported, to be in the company of others who know it could have been them who were harassed on Sunday and who are thankful we didn't stay quiet and let it slide. But despite the supportive voices, it has been a stressful, unpleasant week. Adding to the stress of harassment and media attention there were some babywearers online who were vehemently opposed to Andrew speaking to the media. Like us they were concerned about babywearing looking bad in the press, but unlike us, some of them felt we should forget about the harassment and take baked goods to the local police.
After a series of rude, judgmental, disrespectful and arrogant comments from fellow babywearers in this particular facebook group I decided to leave. In addition to being accused of being attention seekers, putting ourselves before babywearing, we were also deemed responsible for what The Herald Sun had written, while the great things Andrew had managed to get in the paper and on the radio went unnoticed. I said good-bye to the group and there were some lovely replies, wishing our family well. This was the only thread the admin team felt needed to be shut down on their page, reaffirming I had made the right choice to leave.
Feeling low, I was very grateful to receive some supportive messages, one comment in particular lifted my spirits immensely. This particular babywearing Mum said "a picture says a thousand words" and Andrew and Eleanor were in one of the most widely circulated Melbourne newspapers, happily, comfortably, safely using a baby carrier. It occurred to me that perhaps in years to come I might meet someone who discovered babywearing thanks to Andrew's efforts. A silver lining.
It is also worth noting that 24 hours after the Sun article broke there have been discussions about establishing an Austrlaian Babywearing body who can formally promote, advocate and educate groups about babywearing in this country. Also, one Australian mother has approached Babywearing International about forming a chapter of their organisation here at home. This fills me with hope. It would be fantastic in the future, IF this sort of harassment happens to someone else, that they will receive formal, public support from babywearers, an established group representing our interests, so that the individual is not left out in the cold in the mainstream media.
So, there you have it. A very long blog post, after a very long week. We are not sure when Andrew will hear back from the Ethical Standards Department, we are finished with the media (and for every piece you see or hear, there's another that's been politely declined by us attention seekers *sigh*), next week's Frankston Leader will hopefully include a report from our great babywearing gathering with a photo of some of us as well. I really hope that all that has happened this week will mean that in the not too distant future Andrew and I will be able to go about our daily parenting, free from harassment, that's all I want for us and all babywearers.
As you can see there is plenty of space between the hood of the sling and Andrew's back, allowing airflow, Nell is facing the other side in this picture, mouth and nose directly receiving fresh air. The hood is supporting her head as she sleeps, and when she is awake she holds her head up herself. Her knees are above her bottom, supporting optimal hip and spine development. She is secure. When she is on the back we can feel her breathing in and out against us, we can feel her moving, and coz she's adorable and we miss seeing her little face we regularly use our mirror with the retractable string that enables us to see her from either side while on our backs. Shop windows are also great for seeing her reflection. We loved wearing her on our fronts throughout her first year, but as she gets bigger it's getting hard to see over her head as we walk now, and her weight on the front can cause a strain on our hips and lower back, and this is why you will likely see her on our backs. If you do see us, feel free to stop and ask us about our carriers.
*In the picture of Eleanor and Andrew on the beach, Nell is holding a hula hoop, it was very cute, she would not give it up, loved death-gripping it. We had received criticism because Nell's not wearing a hat and we're on the beach. She's a baby, she hates hats, she tosses them constantly. This is why we apply Miessence sunblock. I mention the brand because it is organic and acts as a shield from sun, rather than a chemical defence, just in case anyone wishes to criticise us for using sunscreen as well.
**As far as Kidsafe go, I went to their website and found no information about baby carriers whatsoever, however I noted their Facebook page included a link to a pram recall story
**As far as Kidsafe go, I went to their website and found no information about baby carriers whatsoever, however I noted their Facebook page included a link to a pram recall story
