Full-term breastfeeding has hit headlines again thanks to Time Magazine's controversial cover story about Jaime Lynn Grume breastfeeding her three year old son. Because I'm a lactivist, who happens to be breastfeeding a four year old and a one year old, people have been interested to hear my thoughts on the piece.
On the one hand I could choose to feel pleased that awareness of full-term breastfeeding is increasing. Except that for the vast majority of Westerners encountering it, full-term breastfeeding is treated like an abomination. I could choose to feel offended because a sacred part of my life is being criticised. I could be a smart-mouth and say "breastfeeding a three year old? Pfft! That is so last year". But, ultimately, after four years of judgment, rising above ignorance, and talking up the importance of a normal mammalian function, I am over it.
Not so long ago I was hugely passionate about all breastfeeding. I felt like my public breastfeeding was a revolutionary act that was changing lives for the better because it was raising awareness, opening dialogue, visually educating and encouraging other mothers to do the same. But my passion and my confidence have waned as my child has not weaned.
My eldest is approaching four and a half years of age and she loves boobee. For reasons I've blogged before, I knew before our daughter was born that I wanted her to wean naturally, at her own pace and that I was in for the long haul. Honestly, I was sure that would happen when she was three, but now I'm not even sure it will happen at five.
Now that she's four I find myself challenged by issues that I previously laughed in the face of. I didn't understand before, how a mother could feel self-conscious about feeding in public, or want to hide her baby beneath a blanket. Four years later, I find myself hiding my "baby" under a blanket during a much needed calm-down feed at a train station.
The longer she and I breastfeed, the less supporters we have. She has not yet noticed that none of her four year old peers breastfeed, but I have and I find myself starting to feel self-conscious even around breastfeeding friends. I'd love it if there were a mother's group specifically for those of us breastfeeding kindergarten and school aged children! There are so few mums to turn to who have been there before, in my world. The Internet means that I at least know some other women who have fed their children four years and beyond, but it would be brilliant to actually be in the same place at the same time, our kids seeing others their age doing what comes naturally.
So if it is as depressing as this post has thus far made it sound, WHY continue to breastfeed?! Because the social drawbacks don't outweigh all the incredible moments full-term breastfeeding provides. My breasts are like magic. Whether it's hunger, thirst, affection, pain-relief, or calming that she needs, the need can be met with a minute or so at the breast. It's so simple I wish every mum had it in her bag of tricks.
Unlike a baby she can express her gratitude for my milk in a variety of ways. If I had weaned when she could "ask for it", as is often suggested, I never would have learned that my milk tastes like "rainbow". I never would have experienced that heart-melting moment when she and her baby sister held hands and smiled at one another as they tandem fed.
It's a comfort to this mother to know that my child's health is still being safeguarded by the life-giving milk. And this safeguarding will continue to protect her body for the rest of her life.
I remember how hard it was to learn to breastfeed and how foreign it was to me as a first time mother. But my daughter, should she choose to have children, will come to breastfeeding with first-hand memories of doing it herself!
As for my new found self-consciousness when it comes to public feeding, as annoying as I find this personally, it is another gift full-term breastfeeding has given me. I have a better understanding of other women, now. I can relate where I couldn't before. This makes me a more patient and empathetic listener, for which I'm very grateful.
From the outset my approach to all parenting decisions has been a "no regrets" mantra. When faced with a parenting challenge I've asked myself "what will I regret?" I know that on my deathbed I won't regret spending lots of time with my children. Delaying other interests and pleasures for that time with my children will be the lesser regret. Likewise, when it comes to breastfeeding, there has never been a moment at which I've believed weaning would be the less regrettable choice. I see so much of the criticism, judgment and unsolicited advice thrust upon me by other parents as stemming from their own breastfeeding grief.
When I start to let the negative social aspects of breastfeeding get to me, I try to remember that it isn't about me, it's about collective grief (and it's not just about breastfeeding either, I think Western society is made-up of millions of under-parented adults desperately seeking attachment, but unaware of how that relates to their childhood experiences of birth, breastfeeding, discipline, schooling etc.). However, I do wish these grief stricken journalists, photographers and editors would find a more appropriate way of dealing with their issues.
In conclusion, what do I think about the Time Magazine piece? I think we'd all benefit from discussing full-term breastfeeding after reading Ann Sinnot's book Breastfeeding older children, or any of the links below.
Related News
Sustained Breastfeeding: debate - Herald Sun
What Nursing a Toddler Really Looks Like - Huffington Post
'Are you Mom enough?' Link Round-up - Stand and Deliver blog
Breastfeeding older children blog
Sh!t people say to full-term breastfeeders - tumblr
Mothers who breastfeed beyond babyhood - The Guardian
